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What Is Your Contribution? (2003)

by owenshire

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1.
So still the sickness it stays It’s a long, long way to the opera At the pit of my stomach Smoldering meat that remains all raw Through the round-rim glasses at the bottom of The ocean. Come Santa take one on your knee Take another on the side of your jaw I might like to watch you bleed And let the glaciers of missions thaw I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach It won’t go away, then I see her thigh Whenever I get to start forgetting I’m always reminded anyway And then I get the urge If I want a bit of pleasure Then I must endure the surge Of boredom to come afterwards. Sacrifice. No one hassles without the slightest motion. Notions I’m unaware of. The insects. Don’t make fun of me. I don’t want to take the risk Coming over me like a sleepy mist From the ocean. The mellowness mixed with bile Still produces a smile of unfailing devotion Can a man cry and love another man Rule until we die. What are you saying? He tried his best. He was a friend. I have some more. Let it wash over. I don’t have anymore. Don’t make fun of me; don’t make light of this I feel let down. I wear a frown. I sleep with my head under the covers I get uptight. Girl that I like. Butterflies in my gut. Go to the washroom. Never hung out or went around Yet I make plans for the future I learned today about a guy. He can’t walk proud. It’s his street too. Girl in my eye. She don’t like me. I wish that I was in a cheap movie.
2.
There was a war And past the attack We will come back Our enemies swore But we were on land Linking all our arms Now away from harm We knew that we could dance With a post-modern man Cut out of stone His throat was full of tone This being how he sang And his millennium ran Out my backdoor Into the cold With its head in its hands And winter is cold And the people are colder (the seasons are open) And when you are self-aware There is simply less to be scared of And there was a war Inside ourselves No one could help We simply had to abort But there was a port Not far from here Towards which we steered So we could pin the award On a post-modern man Of our very own We never were alone For this particular span. And this millennium ran Out my backdoor It couldn’t take anymore It had all it could stand Yet this postmodern man, well, he wasn’t sure And the future is sold. And the people they know it. But when you are self-aware No matter the wealth of despair There’s simply less to be scared of…..
3.
Maybe I don’t want to grow up tall Maybe I don’t want to grow up at all Maybe I don’t want to grow up free Maybe I don’t want you to grow up through me Because there’s much more than ghosts in my head Making me sick to my stomach Making my face turn blood red Telling me all that I wasn’t I’m in awe Of this medicine ball I’m distraught With this particular cause It’s in all of us We are the mannequin dolls And I’m at odds With these inherited flaws Maybe I don’t want to grow up tall Maybe I don’t want to lift up this medicine ball Maybe I don’t want to grow up clean Maybe I don’t want to dream these repetitive dreams Because there’s much more than hope in my head Making me sick to my stomach Making my feelings regress Feeding this all with my silence I’m in awe of this medicine ball I have seen all of this Somewhere before I can’t stop these petty insults I can’t stop these competitive thoughts Maybe I don’t want to grow up tall Maybe I don’t want to grow up at all Maybe I don’t want to grow up clean Maybe I don’t want to dream these repetitive dreams I’m at odds with this Medicine ball I’m at odds with a benevolent God I’m at odds with these repetitive flaws You are a doll You are a mannequin doll
4.
Sometimes I feel that we were born Only to go and absorb others’ scorn And our Mothers they gave us our compliments And our Fathers embodied all we resent I was responsible and best behaved And I abide by your rules and I always have And if you think that you might want to step out You better rethink this action and settle down Though the good ache still resumes It is a better option to be exhumed And the mighty deterrent is to reverse The situation…but what they deserve As for me, you never want to see what’s for me You never want to see what’s for me It’s all in a headache It’s all in a backache now. Training is better than what it’s for But it makes no difference you’ve done the work before And the wage is fair, but not so life (so you swallow these actions) Yet you swallow this all to build the best device It has no trigger, chamber or sight (so what is embodied?) So you ask what it embodies to delight Well, I brought the demo so examine one (but be careful my darling) But be careful because it absorbs your stamina. As for me—you never want to see what’s for me. You never. I’m going away now but I’ll be sure to write
5.
This bread has the flavor of turpentine Bread as paint remover When the bread tastes just like turpentine Ah, your podium makes me weak As I look over the top which is too steep The masses confide in a lacquered dive which still persists to appear Genuinely contrived. I was not that much contrived If the room was oval, I’d believe I was in a room less jovial And if the shell was made all well and fine I’m sure we could discover a passion on which to dine But what is trying to poke through What is trying to be understood Is a motive quite transparent just like a fine transparent sheet of wood that’s opaque I don’t want to be fanatical I find that so contrived I don’t want to act like an animal When I’m closed off inside. I was not that much contrived To close the door on one's hand exhibits a sore that would no less demand attention should one command it The lines on my face are tokens of disgrace Your podium makes me weak As I look over the top which is too steep The masses confide in a lacquered dive which still persists to appear… I look at this as a thing you’ve lost You look at this as fine But I would ask at what moral cost Would you appear so genuinely contrived I was not that much contrived
6.
As he continues Then I bought some geraniums I bought some uranium I took a trip around the world But you shouldn’t take that from me Cause I wouldn’t take that from you It was only in my head And if my head doesn’t get too big Then maybe the world outside will stay small Small enough to fit in my pocket And small enough to fit in this ego Well not quite that full And not quite that small. But you shouldn’t take that from me Because I wouldn’t take that from you They leave their hearts near the schoolyard Without restraints But nobody steals them because we’re all just good honest people yet I can’t relate But you shouldn’t take that from me Because I wouldn’t take that from you You will never hurt me Love is there to stop you I gouged both your eyes out, because you stopped to stare If you miss me this time Well next time I might not care I have no sympathy for your life’s injuries I’ll scratch your back And you’ll stab mine Everything will be just fine But you shouldn’t take that from me Cause I wouldn’t take that from you You shouldn’t take that from me You will never hurt me Love is there to stop you You shouldn’t take that from me Cause I wouldn’t take that from you. As he continues But you shouldn’t take that from me Cause I wouldn’t take that from you You will never succeed Doubt is there to stop you But you shouldn’t take that from me Because I wouldn’t take that from you You will never hurt me Love is there to stop you
7.
Soliloquy 01:46
8.
I rescued a bird and I think it felt better than me. (Deprivation of air. I made a killing.) Melted the carpet through my soliciting (The house is very dirty) The partisan cloud was free floating through my Red Sea. (Where are you now? It’s all left to the Ivory) And you dressed the wound so it looks so much better, it smells so much better, it feels so much better. Why are you so able now? When I write it I don’t like it. And that’s enough. Thanks a lot. He grasps the plot ‘cause he thinks so originally (but my letters never arrived) Hold that thought, I think I hear a soft subtle plea. (Which one of us has the mercy?) I called from work and asked for extension 903. (The voice was robotic, distant and always phony) Instructed them all with logic and hard imagery. (The next one to cry is the next one to die, no acting) When he goes home he attacks the next thing that he sees. (You make it all worthwhile when we conceive) And you dressed the wound because it looks so much better, it feels so much better, it smells so much better. Why are you so stable now? When I write it I don’t like it You only cry when you’re frightened You only believe when you’re frightened That’s enough. Thanks a lot.
9.
You’re passive aggressive That’s perfectly natural With every impression Non-confrontational I think you’ve had enough time It’s time to give it in Anything unholy It must have been a sin I’ve sat here before and I’ll sit here again I’ll stand when I want and I’ll leave when I can I trust myself but there’s nothing else to do So I’ll sit here again and reminisce of you I want a boat that will not leak (the world went calling) I want a dog you will not beat (and what was answered) I want a sky with rosy cheeks (was unimpressive) The sun was so bright I could barely see light I’ve had enough of today. I saw you before But there is nothing else to say So I guess I’ll save my thought for another day But once I start I miss my mark How to go on is the hardest part For once I start I miss my mark How to hold on is the hardest part For once I start I miss my mark I want a child that won’t make mistakes I want a world not divided by hate I want a snowfall perfectly shaped I heard a bell ring it’s never quite the same The seasons would pass but the memories stayed Now I sit here again with nothing to do The memories are gone and so are you But once I start I miss my mark.. How to go on is the hardest part For once I start I miss my mark (in heaven) How to hold on is the hardest part For once I start I miss my mark (in heaven) How to go on is the hardest part For once I start I miss my mark
10.
On the red teeter-totter Away from my grandfather’s cottage You lost your earring I couldn’t tell How could I have been so thoughtless? I want to tell you something About when we were younger I remember all of their faces I knew unkind laughter Walking the shore near the cottage Far from the red teeter-totter I held the seashell Up to your ear You said you heard running water I cursed all of their hatred My eyes burned of sweet cinders I was over-compensated Much like a cardinal in winter Along the railroad track Of my Ontario past Everything that I regret Is caught in this hidden net I want to tell you something About when we were younger I remember all of their faces I knew unkind laughter Along the railroad track Of my Ontario past Look to the right of the map That’s where you and I met.
11.
Oh, June aids my sleep Promises I must slave to uphold the keep The water here has grown to seep Don’t kick me where I breathe Don’t kick me where I breathe I don’t care you fucking fools You’ll break my back to bend your rules Let them drown in bloody pools But miss me when I leave The scavengers come near And whisper in my ear Persuasive enough to make it clear That there’s nothing else to fear Except the evil thoughts to steer Oh, the scavengers Oh, you scavengers I believe Racial trends I’ve known deceive This congress that I so well weave The wants before the needs Take them now they’re going fast While people shout they’re free at last With little doubt outside they’re cast And tallied on my sleeve And tallied on my sleeve Into Hades that smoldering heat Where bones so white do pass and bleach I will follow in their lead And answer to this machine now. But miss me when I leave

about

I gave at the office. You win.
Swallow these actions.
But be careful my darling.
The winter is cold.
And I guess I should be more hopeful
towards the things in my life, those
which I await. And I should be more
dormant to all the things that plague me
and take away my strength.
Yet how could one be so
open to all these varied stages
and call them normalcy?
The world went calling,
and what was answered was unimpressive.
But promise me that you will be fair
and share, anyway.

credits

released February 13, 2003

...
rob, greg, dan.
recorded in kitchener, waterloo in 2003.
download album for full credits.

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owenshire Ontario

Owenshire was born when Robert Muhlbock bought a bass guitar in 1992 and began recording dozens of bass and vocal demos under that name.

Two albums, numerous "live demos," one too-long hiatus and (most importantly) one bass distortion pedal later, Muhlbock continues to release riff-based alt. rock, scattered with lush harmonies and dotted with cryptic and/or disillusioned lyrics.
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